I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
