a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
