Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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