he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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