Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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