well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
