Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
