i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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