is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
