you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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