I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
someone threw a dead crab at me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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