Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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