You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
