He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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