it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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