i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
