I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
