I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
