Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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