Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
