the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
