Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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