shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
