is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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