Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
