Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
