Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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