I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
foreskin is a definite game changer
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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