You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
