I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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