We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
