At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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