i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
