whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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