I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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