I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
