you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
