Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
