Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
