Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
