Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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