I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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