please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
