i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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