well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
