I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
