At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He kissed a someone with a penis
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
