69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
