im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
