I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
